Chew on this... I saw the Sex and the City movie... Breathe deep... your eyes did not deceive you...I didn't leave the house thinking hmm... I'd really like to go see the Sex and the City movie tonight. If it has been premeditated, this would be the point where I would ask you to kick me in the junk. Oh no, it happened far more serendipitously than that. My wife and I went to see Wanted and decided to make it a fivefingerdiscount double feature. Presumably Get Smart was playing in the adjacent theater so we used our ninja stealth to sneak past the highly trained but slightly mentally challenged kid with the red vest and coned flashlight thingy. The joke was on him for about eight seconds... then we found out the Get Smart becomes Sex and the City after 7pm. The tables had turned, the joke was on me. All of the sudden I had woeful flashes of the red vested kid flipping me the bird as I snuck into the 10th circle of hell (forgive Dante' he could never have a imagined a plague as cruel Sarah Jessica Parker would come along).
*So these are the Salient points of my Sex and the City movie experience...
*Sarah Jessica Parker has knocked John Travolta off the perch of celebrity I'd least like to be stuck in an elevator with.
*The ostentatious tool that designed the clothes that apparently tickle the fancy of New York's upper crust metropolitan women needs a good junkpunch.
*Fictional New York is crawling with effeminate men.
*Apparently the core demographics of Sex and the City fans intersect quite nicely with fans of American Pie-ish humor evidenced by an over the top scene focused on Miranda's pubic hair.
The scene goes something like this: The main character Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) has been left at the alter by her long time companion "BIG." To Cheer her up her three best friends accompany her on the honeymoon she was suppose to have had with Big. Lounging outside the pool of a posh Mexico resort the camera pans to a less then pleasant shot of how shall I delicately say it... Miranda's (the red head on the far right in the pic at the top of the page) neither regions. Apparently Miranda, a lawyer, quasi socialite and women of high fashion has lost the number of the every salon in New York that does waxing. I'm thinking there also must be a deathly fear of razors involved but that's just an educated guess. Another fact about Miranda is she is separated from her husband who had a one night stand with another women. So the girls start to raz Miranda about her lack of grooming. And after some brutal dialogue I'm working hard to repress Miranda retorts "so I guess you all think its my fault that Steve cheated on me..." without missing a beat a man three rows behind me yells out "hell yeah it's your fault"... at this point I literally lost it for a good three minutes... finally something redemptive...Of course the movie ends with Carrie and BIG getting married... Miranda and Steve rekindling (presumably after a good waxing) and Kim Cattrall revising the role that made her famous in Porky's only this time with a cougar spin... All is right with the world... except for the fact that I spent two plus hours watching that shit... but I paid the price to write this post and to avoid the shame of being caught sneaking out of the film. My pride had taken too many hits already. I didn't dare risk leaving the theater without a hopped up throng of two hundred women to use as human camouflage. I had to hide. After all, the pimply faced kid in the red vest might be looking out for me. I can just imagine his shiteatinggrin. So that was weekend...what you got???
1 comment:
i'm not sure what's worse: the fact that you wrote that post or that I actually read it.
sarah jessica parker is definitely on my list of actresses who are an automatic won't-see-the-movie because they are in it.
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